Friday Top 5 - Perverted Pickup Lines

Some of you may have noticed that I've deleted my last blog entry. I decided after posting that I wanted to reflect a little bit more on my romantic past before writing about it and sharing it with the world. That blog post covered a lot, but it left out a lot, too. There will be a subsequent, and much more in depth, post on the same subject sometime in the future. It's something I really want to tackle, not just for your entertainment and reading enjoyment, but also in hopes that it will help me realize and avoid certain behavioral trends on my part. Mainly the most frustrating trend of all; feeling like I have to prove my worth to those selfish assholes who want the best of both worlds.

But I digress.

I've decided to instill a weekly blog update on Friday's called 'Friday Top 5'. Every Friday, I will cover a 'top 5' of mine; anything and everything from celebrity crushes, to most loathed hairstyles, to pet peeves. If you have a top 5 topic you'd like me to tackle, just leave a comment below or shoot me a message on Facebook, and I would be happy to oblige.

Without further ado...

 

Top 5 Perverted Pick-Up Lines That I Have Actually Witnessed Being Used

5. How about you come sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?
Pretty generic, and I've heard it a number of times, mostly in college from guys trying to run game who don't really quite know how. They like to play this one off like they're joking, but most of the time, when they're in their teens/early 20's, they're half-hoping you'll take them up on the offer. Oh, boys, I know you wish it was that easy.

4. Can I touch your belly button fom the inside?
Jimmy Buffet concert, sometime in the early 2000's. I went with a friend and her family, and we weren't 21; normally this wouldn't have been a problem, except for the fact that her family is super strict. So, there I was, one of the only sober people in a sea of Parrotheads. I got up to go to the bathroom at some point during the concert and on my way, a man grabbed me and kissed the shit out of me. I was so surprised, I didn't even pull away. When he was finished, he looked at me and said, "Can I touch your belly button from the inside?" Apparently he wasn't expecting an answer, because by the time I recovered enough to attempt to respond, he had danced away (presumably) to find his next victim. Only at a Jimmy Buffet concert.

3. If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays? 
A good friend of mine was the recipient of this one, and I am so glad I was there to witness it. The best part about it was, she had absolutely no idea what was going on. Her response was, "Um, but I have school? I mean I guess you could come to campus, but it'd be easier to just hang out during winter break." Seriously, I died.

2. My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.
I remember this like it was yesterday. Senior year of college. I was out with a group of friends at a bar called Buckhead's; one of the guys I was out with I had a huge crush on, so I was doing what college women normally do in that situation... trying to make him jealous. There was a live band, and I was dancing on and off with a nice-enough guy who got more and more intoxicated as the night went on. His buddies came up to him at some point to tell him they wanted to leave an a-bar (after-bar) at their place. He convinced them to do another round of shots first, which was met with a lot of masculine cheering and grunting. Ever the gentleman, he asked if I wanted to join them for the shot; I declined, since I was right on the edge between "I'll be able to keep my pants on tonight" and "Waking up on the couch at a stranger's house with a dog licking your face and no idea how you got there" and I didn't want to tempt fate. I leaned over to tell him it had been nice meeting him; he met me halfway, and before I could open my mouth, he grinned and said, "My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it," turned, and walked to the bar. I retreated to the bathroom with my girlfriends and regaled them with the story. Apparently we'd taken too long, because the guys I'd been with told me he'd come up to them trying to find me, but had eventually given up. Looking back, I probably should have taken him up on his offer, but my heart was elsewhere at the time, and that's just how it works with me. Still. Pretty epic, right?

And last but most certainly not least,

1. You remind me of a large mouth bass. I don't know whether I should mount you, or eat you.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have actually had this pick-up line used on me. And by a stranger, no less. I'm pretty easy going, so when I heard it, I laughed my ass off, thinking he was just going for shock value. The problem is, he didn't laugh. I made my exit quickly. Still, one of the best "I can't believe he just said that" pick-up lines that I've ever heard.

Happy Weekend, my loves!