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| ... and I believe that time is now. |
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Top 10 Ridiculous/Stupid/Illegal Moments of the Past 29 Years
The Ginger Jameson Edition
10. When you've gotta go, you've gotta go.
Fairly recently, I peed in a bag, in my car, while I was driving, stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and not only did no one see me, but I also didn't spill a drop. "You did what???" Yeah, you heard me. That took mad skillz. I'm not even sure I could do it again if I tried.
Fairly recently, I peed in a bag, in my car, while I was driving, stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and not only did no one see me, but I also didn't spill a drop. "You did what???" Yeah, you heard me. That took mad skillz. I'm not even sure I could do it again if I tried.
9. What's the opposite of cradle-robber?
At some point in the past 29 years, I slept with a grandfather. I'm not going to say any more about this, but in my defense, let me just say that he's a young grandfather, as in, under 46, so it's not that horrible. I mean, how many women in their 20's can say something like that? Yeah. Not many. I'm all about being unique. Get on my level.
At some point in the past 29 years, I slept with a grandfather. I'm not going to say any more about this, but in my defense, let me just say that he's a young grandfather, as in, under 46, so it's not that horrible. I mean, how many women in their 20's can say something like that? Yeah. Not many. I'm all about being unique. Get on my level.
8. I do really stupid things when I'm drunk, or "I Just Wanna Live!"
I got completely hammered at a bar one night, and some of the guys I was with were going to Poto to gamble when the bar closed. I tried to do the responsible thing and went to stay at a friends house instead, but when I got there, I launched into a tirade, yelling things like, "I just wanna live! I just wanna party and not go to sleep and go to work still drunk the next day! I wanna do this!" So my sober friend drove me back to Poto just to shut me up, and when I got there, I felt so sick I couldn't get out of the car. She then drove me BACK to her place,where I puked in her bushes, passed out on her couch, and ended up having to call in sick to work the next day. Pretty damn classy.
I got completely hammered at a bar one night, and some of the guys I was with were going to Poto to gamble when the bar closed. I tried to do the responsible thing and went to stay at a friends house instead, but when I got there, I launched into a tirade, yelling things like, "I just wanna live! I just wanna party and not go to sleep and go to work still drunk the next day! I wanna do this!" So my sober friend drove me back to Poto just to shut me up, and when I got there, I felt so sick I couldn't get out of the car. She then drove me BACK to her place,where I puked in her bushes, passed out on her couch, and ended up having to call in sick to work the next day. Pretty damn classy.
7. I do really stupid things when I'm drunk, part 2.
I got drunk for the first time in my life after my Senior year of high school when I was staying with some friends in Illinois. Too many Zimas with orange Jolly Ranchers put me over the edge; I climbed out of her pool, puked in her bushes (noticing a theme here?) walked in the house, and announced, "I just puked! Pour me some tequlia!" I then proceeded to black out for the first and only time ever, and during said blackout, I broke the door of her refrigerator trying to eat some pasta salad. I've been told that I demolished some cake as well, which I had figured, because I woke up with cake crumbs all over me and the floor that I had passed out on. That was a good night.
I got drunk for the first time in my life after my Senior year of high school when I was staying with some friends in Illinois. Too many Zimas with orange Jolly Ranchers put me over the edge; I climbed out of her pool, puked in her bushes (noticing a theme here?) walked in the house, and announced, "I just puked! Pour me some tequlia!" I then proceeded to black out for the first and only time ever, and during said blackout, I broke the door of her refrigerator trying to eat some pasta salad. I've been told that I demolished some cake as well, which I had figured, because I woke up with cake crumbs all over me and the floor that I had passed out on. That was a good night.
6. The most hardcore case of the munchies ever recorded.
The statute of limitations has expired on this one so I can now share it publicly: one night, when we were feeling particularly scandalous and hungry, some friends and I raided the dumpsters and trucks of a certain chip company. We ended up filling my Mazda MPV to the brim with chips, cookies, and dip. The craziest thing about it all was the fact that I ended up taking a bunch of it home with me, and spouted some story to my parents that I don't even remember, and they believed me. The benefits of being a good kid in action, folks. Our basement shelves were full of delicious snacks for the next six months. Score.
5. What happens in the hot tub, stays in the hot tub.
I can't really say too much here because so many people were involved over the years, and I've been sworn to secrecy, so I'll break it down into mysterious words and sentence fragments. Booze. Nudity. Never Have I Ever. Truth or Dare. Hot Tub Olympics. All of this and more, wrapped up with a lot of make-out sessions. The story that is repeated the most involves the night that we were all drunk, most of us 20 and therefore underage, and the booze was all over the kitchen table. My mom appeared in the doorway to the garage, and we all froze, sure we'd been caught.
"Ginger!" she yelled.
"Yeah?" I responded hesitantly.
"Can you let the dogs out?"
"Uh, sure, mom. I'll do it in a minute."
"Okay. You guys have fun." And with that, she went back up to bed.
I still can't believe I wasn't grounded for life. Again, the benefits of being a good kid. Man, do I miss that hot tub.
4. I <3 Phil Vassar
Nothing scandalous here, but Phil Vassar played a big part in the summers of my 20's. Some of my best memories are of spending the day at Summerfest with friends and family and then rocking out to Phil's concert, every year for the past 5-6 years. It's become a tradition, and one I wouldn't change for the world. I especially love the newly added addition of the hours spent playing Asshole while drinking "crotch vodka" and lemonade. What's "crotch vodka", you ask? Long story, but a good one. Maybe I'll share it someday. :)
3. Slippery When Wet
Once upon a time, some friends and I went to lunch at a quaint little restaurant in the quaint little town that I grew up in. There was a cute little bridge there that led you over a small little pebble-filled... river?... into the restaurant. It was really too small to be a river. More like a man-made trickle of water that was created for only for the sake of ambiance, but that's not the point. The point is that, on said bridge, there was a warning sign that said simply, "Caution: Slippery When Wet".
You know where this is going, don't you.
8 hours and some crafty work with a power drill later, under the cover of night, I made that sign mine. It was proudly displayed on my wall for years. No idea where it is now, actually. God, my perverted sense of humor really leads me to do some stupid things.
2. The Night I (Almost) Got Arrested
It was my friend's 21st birthday. I was 19. My friends were buying me drinks. We'd chosen a hole in the wall bar to avoid the exact situation that ended up playing out. The cops showed up. I attempted to nonchalantly walk to the restroom to hide. They saw me, and called me out. So, I did what had worked for me up until that point: I played the good girl. I did exactly as they said and kept my mouth shut, while the other underager there ran her mouth at them. One of the officers put me in the back of the cop car and when he pulled out of the parking space, I swear to God, I had a small heart attack. But, instead of taking me to the station, he pulled over to the front door of the bar, gave me a breathalyzer, gave me a lecture, and then told me that my friends and I had 5 minutes to get out of the bar, or he was writing us all tickets.
I've never moved so fast in my life.
Although, I'm pretty sure the cop got the last laugh here, because I didn't even attempt to drink in public again until I turned 21.
And last, but certainly not least,
1. 2708 Drinking Club
Senior year of college was arguably the best year of my 20's, thanks to these guys. We were a group of friends who spent more time at their apartment than in class, drinking beer and participating in the most ridiculous of shenanigans. There was the night where Chase* disappeared and ended up six miles from the apartment with no idea how he'd gotten there, and then walked home on the coldest night of the year, and we had to warm him up with blankets, heating pads and hot chocolate so he didn't end up losing any fingers or toes.
And the night where I was walking back from the bar with Jim* and Paul*, and one of them ran their mouth to some other people and we ended up getting jumped; I called Chase instead of the Police for help, and then couldn't figure out where we were. Arguably the best part of that story was when we took Jim to the hospital, and he told the doctors that the girls volleyball team had beat him up.
Or the night that Jim passed out and peed in Chase's bed, and Paul spiked a frozen bag of corn, which promptly burst and scattered all over the apartment. I'm pretty sure that Chase still was finding corn all over the place weeks later.
I learned the Perfect Cast from A Goofy Movie with these guys, my own, personal, protective big brothers, and, in exchange, I was the perfect wing-woman whenever they needed it. They would bring me Gatorade and hangover food when I had to work the day after one of our particularly epic nights, and I would ply them with free coffee in exchange. We had a great thing going, and above and beyond that, we shared a love of good movies and booze and fun. Although we don't see each other much anymore, I still love them all dearly. My college experience would have sucked without them.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent
So yeah. I think I've done my fair share of living up until now, so 30? Bring it on. Besides, I'm pretty confident that my 30's will bring their own brand of crazy, cuz that's just the kind of girl I am. I think the kids these days were onto something with that YOLO bullshit, so yeah. Live it up, darlings.
YOLO. :)
The statute of limitations has expired on this one so I can now share it publicly: one night, when we were feeling particularly scandalous and hungry, some friends and I raided the dumpsters and trucks of a certain chip company. We ended up filling my Mazda MPV to the brim with chips, cookies, and dip. The craziest thing about it all was the fact that I ended up taking a bunch of it home with me, and spouted some story to my parents that I don't even remember, and they believed me. The benefits of being a good kid in action, folks. Our basement shelves were full of delicious snacks for the next six months. Score.
5. What happens in the hot tub, stays in the hot tub.
I can't really say too much here because so many people were involved over the years, and I've been sworn to secrecy, so I'll break it down into mysterious words and sentence fragments. Booze. Nudity. Never Have I Ever. Truth or Dare. Hot Tub Olympics. All of this and more, wrapped up with a lot of make-out sessions. The story that is repeated the most involves the night that we were all drunk, most of us 20 and therefore underage, and the booze was all over the kitchen table. My mom appeared in the doorway to the garage, and we all froze, sure we'd been caught.
"Ginger!" she yelled.
"Yeah?" I responded hesitantly.
"Can you let the dogs out?"
"Uh, sure, mom. I'll do it in a minute."
"Okay. You guys have fun." And with that, she went back up to bed.
I still can't believe I wasn't grounded for life. Again, the benefits of being a good kid. Man, do I miss that hot tub.
4. I <3 Phil Vassar
Nothing scandalous here, but Phil Vassar played a big part in the summers of my 20's. Some of my best memories are of spending the day at Summerfest with friends and family and then rocking out to Phil's concert, every year for the past 5-6 years. It's become a tradition, and one I wouldn't change for the world. I especially love the newly added addition of the hours spent playing Asshole while drinking "crotch vodka" and lemonade. What's "crotch vodka", you ask? Long story, but a good one. Maybe I'll share it someday. :)
3. Slippery When Wet
Once upon a time, some friends and I went to lunch at a quaint little restaurant in the quaint little town that I grew up in. There was a cute little bridge there that led you over a small little pebble-filled... river?... into the restaurant. It was really too small to be a river. More like a man-made trickle of water that was created for only for the sake of ambiance, but that's not the point. The point is that, on said bridge, there was a warning sign that said simply, "Caution: Slippery When Wet".
You know where this is going, don't you.
8 hours and some crafty work with a power drill later, under the cover of night, I made that sign mine. It was proudly displayed on my wall for years. No idea where it is now, actually. God, my perverted sense of humor really leads me to do some stupid things.
2. The Night I (Almost) Got Arrested
It was my friend's 21st birthday. I was 19. My friends were buying me drinks. We'd chosen a hole in the wall bar to avoid the exact situation that ended up playing out. The cops showed up. I attempted to nonchalantly walk to the restroom to hide. They saw me, and called me out. So, I did what had worked for me up until that point: I played the good girl. I did exactly as they said and kept my mouth shut, while the other underager there ran her mouth at them. One of the officers put me in the back of the cop car and when he pulled out of the parking space, I swear to God, I had a small heart attack. But, instead of taking me to the station, he pulled over to the front door of the bar, gave me a breathalyzer, gave me a lecture, and then told me that my friends and I had 5 minutes to get out of the bar, or he was writing us all tickets.
I've never moved so fast in my life.
Although, I'm pretty sure the cop got the last laugh here, because I didn't even attempt to drink in public again until I turned 21.
And last, but certainly not least,
1. 2708 Drinking Club
Senior year of college was arguably the best year of my 20's, thanks to these guys. We were a group of friends who spent more time at their apartment than in class, drinking beer and participating in the most ridiculous of shenanigans. There was the night where Chase* disappeared and ended up six miles from the apartment with no idea how he'd gotten there, and then walked home on the coldest night of the year, and we had to warm him up with blankets, heating pads and hot chocolate so he didn't end up losing any fingers or toes.
And the night where I was walking back from the bar with Jim* and Paul*, and one of them ran their mouth to some other people and we ended up getting jumped; I called Chase instead of the Police for help, and then couldn't figure out where we were. Arguably the best part of that story was when we took Jim to the hospital, and he told the doctors that the girls volleyball team had beat him up.
Or the night that Jim passed out and peed in Chase's bed, and Paul spiked a frozen bag of corn, which promptly burst and scattered all over the apartment. I'm pretty sure that Chase still was finding corn all over the place weeks later.
I learned the Perfect Cast from A Goofy Movie with these guys, my own, personal, protective big brothers, and, in exchange, I was the perfect wing-woman whenever they needed it. They would bring me Gatorade and hangover food when I had to work the day after one of our particularly epic nights, and I would ply them with free coffee in exchange. We had a great thing going, and above and beyond that, we shared a love of good movies and booze and fun. Although we don't see each other much anymore, I still love them all dearly. My college experience would have sucked without them.
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent
So yeah. I think I've done my fair share of living up until now, so 30? Bring it on. Besides, I'm pretty confident that my 30's will bring their own brand of crazy, cuz that's just the kind of girl I am. I think the kids these days were onto something with that YOLO bullshit, so yeah. Live it up, darlings.
YOLO. :)
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