Yes, that's how I really feel.

I've never really been shy about sharing my opinions and life experiences with you, and I'm not going to start pressing the mute button now. So, in lieu of today's 'Friday Top 5' (oh, and by the way, apologies for the lack of blog post last Friday - my attention was elsewhere and time got away from me) I'd like to vent about a few things that have been driving me crazy lately.

Topic #1 - Weather People
I am a huge fan of severe weather. I've always preferred the conflict of storms to the impassive peacefulness of sunny days, so one would assume that you would be some of my favorite people in the world. After all, you're the ones who are responsible for delivering the very welcome news of these storms and, therefore, brightening my days. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I think you guys are a bunch of assholes. First of all, you go through, what, a few years of college where you apparently spend your time taking classes like "How to Make Vague Predicitions Sound Legitimate 101" and "How To Blow Everything Out Of Proportion 302" before getting hired on at some news station for some insane salary. At that point, you spend approximately 5% of your time putting together weather reports (because honestly, what is there to do, really, besides look at some bullshit radar and try to figure out whether or not the wind is blowing whatever's on that radar your way) and 95% of your time laughing at everyone else in the universe for not figuring out that your work-to-income ratio is insanely off balance in your favor. Also, you all need a reality check, hardcore. Every time it snows, you make it sound like we're all going to be buried alive and we should buy enough canned food, water and blankets to survive for at least a week until the DPW can dig us out, and every time it rains, thunderstorms of God-like proportions are going to pour down until we're all left huddled in the basements of our roof-less houses begging for mercy. Stop it. Stop it right now. Despite your constant 'Winter Storm' warnings, I can only recall one blizzard in the past ten years whose snowdrifts rendered me unable to open my garage, and despite the fact that the windchill may be negative 10, I'm not going to die on the walk from my office to my car. I get really excited when I see these warnings, and almost every single time, they're complete, bold-faced lies, and all we end up with are few flurries or raindrops and one very sad Heather.

In conclusion, go to hell.


Topic #2 - Justin Timberlake's New Song
I'm so upset about this song that I don't even know where to start. Damnit, Justin. You've really broken my heart with this one. I have loved you since you were a little bleach-blonde hoodrat wanna-be in *NSYNC, although, to be clear, Lance was definitely my favorite. It figures I would have been crushing on the gay one, but that's another topic for another blog post. When you went solo, I snapped up your albums the day they were released, and I loved every single track on each one of those albums. This long, drawn-out, music-free hiatus you've been on has been really painful for me, okay? It's even kind of hard to talk about. I mean, yes, you're an amazing actor, but I've missed hearing your voice on my radio, so when I heard that you were finally, FINALLY coming out with a new single, and with Jay-Z no less, I was so excited that I immediately texted the majority of my female friends to make sure that they had heard the good news.

Then I heard it.

Stop, let me get a good look at it
Oooh, so thick, I know why they call it a fatty
And aww, shit so sick, got a hit and picked up a habit
But that's alright, cause you're all mine
Awww, go on and show 'em who you call daddy
I guess they're just mad cause girl, they wish they had it
Oooh, my killer, my thriller, yeah you're a classic
And you're all mine tonight

What the hell? Justin, why are you singing ghetto, rap-like lyrics? There's no good beat. It doesn't have a good hook. It's too slow. And it's so boring.  I have to confess, I haven't even had the patience to listen to the song the whole way through because it just hurts too much to see one of my favorite singer/songwriters of all time fallen so far from grace. Still, this is only strike one, babycakes. You have two strikes left, so get your shit together and try again... and soon, please, so that we can all forget that this mess of a song ever happened.

Topic #3 - My Townhouse

There are so many things wrong with my place right now, and I haven't made any effort to fix them in the past few months because trying to get in touch with the office is exhausting. My patio door likes to stick, and when it does, it takes a Herculean effort to get it to open or close despite the gallons of WD-40 I've thrown at it, so I've started using the front door instead. Well, now the front door has somehow warped, and it's next to impossible to get it to lock from the outside. At this point, since I'd like to be able to get in and out of my place as well as make sure the doors lock for my safety, I am forced to contact the office to come get them fixed. Unfortunately, no one ever answers the phone at the office. Ever. Ever. I left a message, but haven't heard back. I just tried calling again a few moments ago, and I get an operator error message. My guess is that they haven't paid their phone bill. Now I will be forced to trek out in this arctic cold on my lunch break to show up at the office and hope someone is physically there to put in my maintenance request. I am so tired of living in these crappy places. Between this, the constant police presence, and the weird guy who lives next door to me who doesn't own furniture and is always vacuuming at all hours of the night, I cannot wait to GTFO of this place.

Alright, that's enough ranting for today. Thanks for sticking around, kids - I know my posts have been fewer and further in-between, but life has been pretty crazy. Lots of changes, and work is starting to pick up again as we prep for our 2013 launch. There are exciting things on the horizon, including the fact that, as of  this afternoon, I will be closer to 30 than I am to 29. Yikes.

Have a great weekend, everyone!