I Do What I Want

I've decided that I can't put deadlines or demands on my genius so I am doing away with the Friday Top Five... which is good, I suppose, because I haven't gotten around to posting on Fridays for the past, like, 13489120312 weeks. Maybe that's an exaggeration, but that's okay; I can exaggerate if I so choose because I do what I want. Hence, the theme of todays brief, albeit arguably hilarious and insightfully revealing, blog post.

I did a lot of ridiculous things this week all in the name of doing what I want.

Monday, well, Monday was actually pretty normal for me, which was disappointing. I blame jet lag from last week's trip. It's hard to be amusing when you're exhausted. Moving on.

Tuesday, I woke up to a note on my car saying I was parked in the wrong spot, which is funny, because it's been my assigned spot for almost two years now. The place that I live is notorious for not having their shit together. So, I did the mature thing; I crumpled it up, threw it on the ground, and flipped off the office staff. From my apartment. No, they couldn't see me. It was symbolic. Shut up. Five minutes later I decided to be an adult, so I picked up my phone to call the office to resolve the issue... but the important thing to note here is that I almost didn't. Cuz that's just how I roll.

Wednesday, I wore this badass, fluorescent, wolf/Native American-themed shirt that I bought at SXSW last week to work, pictured again below for your continued enjoyment. When I saw it, I fell in hate with it...it was so awful that I had to have it. I wore it to work, and then I put an asset tag on it both so that no one could steal it, and to further elaborate the level of its awesomeness. Of course, I made sure to accesorize with fluorescent bracelets and a bright pink tank top just to make sure its obnoxiousness did not go unnoticed. It's ok to be jealous. It's pretty amazing.

 

Thursday, I didn't feel like cooking dinner, so I bought a block of sharp cheddar cheese (the fact that it was sharp cheddar is very important, because if you're going to eat cheese, why would you bother with medicore flavor? I mean, really, people), a box of Wheat Thins, and a bottle of Asti aka The Dinner of Champions. I finished the bottle of Asti during the course of the evening, which really isn't that surprising. The "I Do What I Want" factor involved the fact that I didn't cut the cheese up the way that a normal human being who manages to function successfully in society would. Instead, I just unwrapped and then proceeded to take bites directly out of the block of cheese (small, lady-like bites of course) like a boss. I handled my dinner this way partially because I was lazy, but mostly because it allows for the maximum cracker-to-cheese ratio... and also, because I live alone, and I don't have to share, and this way, if someone breaks into my house in the middle of the night because they are craving cheese, they will be super pissed when they see the bite marks that clearly mark that entire block of cheese as mine.

THWARTED AGAIN, CHEESE BURGLARS. YOU WILL NEVER WIN. (That's a thing, right? Cheese burglary? No? Well, it is now.)

Today, well, I wrote this blog post, which is really just ridiculous... but the day is still young, and I'm heading out with some friends tonight, so God only knows what the hell kind of shenanigans I'll get into with a few drinks in me.

Because, well...I DO WHAT I WANT. Mic drop. Word to your mother.