Married Men and Poor Life Choices

We've all done stupid things in our lives. Every single one of us. Like the time that I wore white shorts on a date when I had my period. For the record, that was one of the poorest life choices I've ever made, which ended with a frantic call to my dad from the bathroom of the restaurant and a jacket tied around my waist until he showed up with a spare pair of shorts to save the day. Believe it or not, my date didn't even realize what had happened until I told him about it months later.

The point of it is, we all make poor life choices, though they may not all end in disaster. However, there is one poor life choice that will almost always end that way, and that's choosing to get involved with a married man.

I am not here to tell you some deep, intimate story about any specific experience I've had, or any of the specific experiences that I've watched many of my friends go through - and above all that, all perpetrators shall remain nameless and faceless throughout this blog post. But I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I decided, since I've never been one to filter myself, to write about it.

The one disclaimer I will make is this: I make no judgments. These are simply things that I have come to realize as truths as I've watched various scandalous relationships unfold throughout the years. We all make stupid choices. All of us. And no one has the right to judge anyone else for theirs. That being said, here we go.

Top 5 Reasons Not To Get Involved With a Married Man

1. He's Married
Shocker, right? But think about it. What if you were his wife? This is the first thing that always crosses my mind when I find out the man I've been talking to/dating is married (yes, this, unfortunately, has happened to me more than once.) I'll be the first to admit that there can be something attractive about a married man - the whole, "someone else wants him so he has clearly proven that he is dating/marriage material and he knows how to treat a woman" thing - but that's really the point. Someone else already chose to spend their lives being faithful to him; someone else is already waiting for him at home. There may have been once or twice in my life where I have entertained dabbling in this type of dating stupidity, but that's always the thought that I can't get out of my head that brings me back around to sanity. Which brings me to reason number two....

2. The Whole "Trust" Thing
Even if you did decide to say "screw it" and get involved anyway, really, how the hell could you ever trust him? How could you ever be certain that he's not going to do to you what he did to his wife? That he's not texting/sexting/dating three other women in addition to you and his wife? I mean, really, does that nagging doubt ever go away? On the flip side, during my recent foray into online dating, I was absolutely disgusted and appalled at just how many married men were out there looking for a good time - so much so that it actually put a lot of doubt into my mind about whether or not I would even want to get married in the future, because so few people seem to take it as seriously as I do. Hey - if marriage isn't for you, that's okay. Then don't get married. The correct answer is not "Oh hey, I do love this chick and/or I'm scared to be alone so just so she doesn't leave me, I'll get married and then do what I need to do on the side. She'll never know, and everyone wins." No, asshole. Everyone does not win. That woman at home who is faithful to you and does your laundry and puts up with your snoring and your always leaving the toilet seat up and your smelly feet? She doesn't win. Neither does the girl on the side, whose heart you are most likely breaking. You know who does win though? You. And that may be nice for you, but it really just makes you an asshole.

3. He's Not Going to Leave His Wife 
Of all the times I've watched friends get involved with married men, the guy has only actually left his wife twice. And ironically, both of them are still in very happy, healthy, functional relationships with those men. Of course there is the odd exception where the man is unhappily married for any multitude of reasons and you really are the love of his life, but this is the exception, not the rule. Unless divorce papers have been filed or are at least in the process of being filed, it's probably best that you wait... and even then, it's risky. There's a reason that there are so many sad love songs out there devoted to being the other woman. Hint: Just in case you didn't pick up what I was laying down, it's because you will always be the other woman. The plus side is, you will always have lots of sad songs to sing while you're crying into your ice cream. 

4. Yes, You Are Doing Something Wrong
I get it. You're single. You're not cheating. You're not the one lying to your significant other. But deep down, you still know that what you're engaging in is wrong. Even if you don't want to admit it, you still know it. And, in my very humble opinion, karma's a bitch.

And last but certainly not least,

5. You Know What Else is a Bitch? Unrequited Love
He always knows exactly what to say to make you swoon, doesn't he? He always tells you how beautiful and amazing you are, he knows how to make you laugh, he's always there when you need a shoulder to cry on (as long as his wife is at work), and all of the sneaking around he does just to steal a few moments with you makes you feel like the most gorgeous, most badass, most desirable woman in the world. Except for the fact that you're not. You see, he chose to dedicate his life and his heart to his wife, not to you. To share his house with her, to celebrate birthdays and holidays and rainy and sunny days with her. Not with you. Remember the episode of Scandal where the politician died in bed with his mistress? And Olivia Pope pointed out how awful it must have been to have shared so much of your life with someone and be left with nothing after his death? Yeah. That's what it's like. You have no claim over him. He's not yours. And even if he says he loves you, and he just might, it doesn't change the fact that he loves her, too. If he didn't, he wouldn't still be married. And if he tells you he's going to leave his wife, that he's just waiting for the right time - scroll back up and see #3, buy yourself a pint of Ben and Jerry's, cry until you're over it, and move on.

There are so many additional reasons I could throw in here, but these are really the ones that always cross my mind when I hear stories about women getting involved with married men. And perhaps even more disturbing is the fact that not only does the internet make it so easy to cheat these days, it also leads to an incredibly large gray area of moral ambiguity. Is sexting a woman you've never actually met or physically touched still considered cheating? It's just exchanging some pictures, or maybe some video, right? You've never actually touched her, so it's not wrong, per se. Right? Well, I think it is - but I seem to be in the minority. My rule of thumb is this: if I was dating someone, and I found out they were doing what I'm doing, would I be pissed or hurt? If the answer is yes, then it's probably not a good idea. But that's just me.

And so ladies, let's do ourselves a favor and avoid all of this bullshit. Dating is hard enough these days. There's no point in starting something that can only end, and badly, so let's just spare ourselves the heartache - and the calories - and stay the hell away from the married ones. Hashtag nothing but trouble, hashtag Ginger Jameson out.