Sparkly Things and Swagger

I've realized recently that I spend half of my life acting like a 5 year-old woman-child. Below are some things that I've noticed in the past few weeks that have brought me to this conclusion:

• I was just in a freshly-cleaned elevator with stainless steel walls by myself, and I felt the need to put my fingerprints EVERYWHERE; so, that's what I did. The same applies to clean glass windows and doors
• I want to be a princess. No. Seriously. I really do. If I could wear a tiara to the office every day and not get hauled off to the nuthouse, I would totally do it. I'd also hire people in random places to curtsy and murmur "Your Majesty" as I walk by
• My favorite color is pink, and I am obsessed with things that sparkle
• I sing to myself, constantly, and most of the time, it's a song that I made up
• Naptime is my favorite time of day
• I actually own coloring books, and I like to color when I'm upset because it's theraputic
• I'm constantly running into things and/or falling down and injuring myself
• I secretly love rainbows, and hate that I can't put them up everywhere because they're a gay/lesbian symbol, and I'm not gay or a lesbian. Sad face :(
• I want to live at Walt Disney World
• I totally still wish on stars and believe in 'Happily Ever After'
• I have an obsession with Ring Pops. All I want to do is eat them, all day, every day, because they taste like a unicorn prancing excitedly on a rainbow, and they're also jewelry, and what the hell more could you want out of a candy?

I've also realized that I spend the other half of my life acting like an adolescent male, which is way more unnerving. Here's why:

• I use 'That's what she said' at every possible opportunity, even when it doesn't make sense
• I hate dressing up; I prefer to wear sweatpants and old t-shirts that I never wash because they would lose that broken-in feel
• I will always laugh hysterically at fart jokes; they will never get old
• If you say something to me about any subject under the sun, I will take it and turn it into a sexual innuendo...
• ...and on that note, I think about sex almost constantly
• I love to burp super loud. It's a disgusting habit that I usually curtail but I just. love. it.
• I pretend to hate Justin Bieber but I secretly want to be just like him because I think he's got swagger
• I like to wear my baseball hats slightly to the side and throw up gang signs because I'm clearly super gangster
• Every once in a while, I go through periods where I exist solely on a diet of fast food, Mountain Dew and beef jerky
• I hate sitting with my legs crossed or closed. Wide open with elbows on the knees, or leaned back in a chair with my arms crossed, that's how I roll

Disturbing? Perhaps. Awesome? You bet your sweet ass. And it must be so much fun for you guys, because you never know which side of me you're gonna get. Gotta keep you guys on your toes. Happy Monday, sunshines. :)